Intentional Parenting

One of the most basic things you need to know about me as an educator and parent is that I believe everything we do with our children now, from the day they are born, is teaching them how to live in the world.  I feel that that is our most important job.  If you look at it from that perspective I think it will change how you parent.  I call it intentional parenting.  And it's really not that hard.  It can seem daunting but after a while it becomes second nature.

It involves two parts.  The first is: Treat your child with respect.  You can not expect your child to be respectful if you do not model it to them.  They are a tiny person who deserves respect.  The second part is: "Start as you mean to go on" (From my favorite book, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer)

So with those in mind, think about the traits that you would want in your grown children.  What sort of behaviors are acceptable for adults?  Here are just a few of the basics:

• Patience
• Empathy
• Confidence
• Self Regulation
• Problem Solving  
• Team work and
• Rational thinking

Now think about how you can foster these things in young children.  First and foremost, the first step to teaching each one of these things is to model it.  You have to practice these traits yourself so your kids can see them in action.  Do not try to tell your kids the old "Do as I say, not as I do..." It won't work!

I'll break some of these down each in their own posts soon!  

Discipline vs. Punishment

According to Merriam-Webster.com:
Origin of DISCIPLINE

Middle English, from Anglo-French & Latin; Anglo-French, from Latin disciplina teaching, learning, from discipulus pupil

The meaning of discipline has somehow evolved into "punishment".  Which I am not a fan of.  On Merriam-Webster.com the very first definition is "punishment".  The second says " obsolete : instruction"  Then it goes on to list a few more definitions, including molding and perfection moral character, enforcing obedience, controlling behavior and a system of order.  

But looking at the root of the word it is clear that it has to do with teaching students.  

So if you look at discipline as a way of teaching

Sharing

I apologize in advance if I go off on a little bit of a tangent here... I have a tendency to do so sometimes... and I'm a little feisty today!  Haha.

Sharing is over rated if you ask me.  I don't like to share certain things.  I have things that are mine.  I worked for them, I paid for them, they belong to me.  Why should I have to share them?  I don't.  Not always.  So why do we teach our children that they MUST share everything?  My husband would say that I am in this line of work because I am, myself, just an over grown two year old.  I relate better to children than adults.  He's probably right!

If you've read any of my other posts, you probably know that I view parenting as a chance to teach our children how to function in the world later.

Let me give you a scenario:

You're at work, you made a really yummy dinner last night and you brought leftovers for your lunch.  Someone else in the office smells it and asks to share half your lunch.  Maybe more people come in and want some of your lunch.  Do you HAVE to give it to them?  If you share with everyone you won't have more than a couple bites left for your own lunch.  You do not HAVE to share.

You buy a new toy for yourself.  A snow machine.  If your friends call you up and people start showing up at your door asking to use it, do you have to let them?  No.